My fellow Americans: As you may know, 51 cowardly Democrat legislators are on the run from Texas. They are shirking their duty to rid our glorious state of the representative government that has plagued us for far too long. These Democrats could be anywhere. They could be in your town. They could be hiding under your bed. More likely, they are at a farmer’s market, selecting artisanal pickles. The following are tips to help you identify Democrats in your midst:
If you see someone with any of these identifying characteristics, remember: Democrats are dangerous. Some may be armed with concealed pocket Constitutions. To help bring these fugitives to justice, immediately report your sighting to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton. He will be standing by at one of his three primary residences. God Bless America, Gov. Greg Abbott TBR Caption Contest!Click here to choose the best caption for this amazing self-portrait by Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite artist, Donald Trump!Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today© 2025 Andy Borowitz |